DC Pride and Parenting

This weekend was DC Pride. St. Thomas' had a picnic, and afterwards we went to a parishioner's front porch to drink sangria and watch the parade. The sheer length and volume were astounding. The parade lasted from 4:30 until after 7:00, with every sort of float imaginable. It seemed like every politician in the city had marchers, as well as every major Christian denomination, some rogue Mormons, and some Jewish marchers. (My favorite sign of the entire religious contingent: Shabbat Shalom, Queers!) The spirit of campy irreverence and love reigned. The parade was also surprisingly commercial, with banks and hotels sponsoring floats. Chipotle won hands down for best corporate float, with a cowboy riding on a bucking burrito. Usually I don't like seeing a lot of corporate sponsorship in a community event like this, but it was a sign of just how far the gay rights movement has come. Everybody had a good time, except for maybe the protesters, who had to have a police escort for their own safety.

This weekend was also a baptism for a baby in our congregation, a beautiful little girl adopted by a married gay couple. Both parents are pillars in our community, part of who we are, and it was a joy to be a part of that baptism, knowing full well that child will grow to maturity in grace and love within a Christian community. And is she ever loved!

Now, I could write a book about everything that St. Thomas' has taught me, but perhaps the most surprising and lovely lesson of all has been about what it means to be a parent. This lesson began two years ago with one of our first gay adoptions, as I watched two men raise a baby up close for the first time. And it blew my little Central Pennsylvania mind.

First of all, in a same-gendered parenting team, there's no "default" parent. If the baby starts crying, in church or in the middle of the night, it's not automatically handed off to the mother. These parents actually have a conversation about it, and work out a plan. Over and over again, I've seen them take turns and work together to solve the problem. It seems simple, but it makes all the difference in the world. And for same-gendered parents, nothing about parenting seems to be taken for granted. Every child in each of these relationships has been longed for, waited on, hoped for, greeted with tears and joy. This isn't always the case on the other side of the fence, as babies of straight couples sometimes accidentally make their way into the world, unplanned and taken on a burden instead of a blessing. Lastly, I've seen a great deal of imagination and humor in the act of parenting. It's almost as if the joy spilled out and into creativity and laughter.

I'm not saying gay parenting is intrinsically better, or that straight parents can't also be parents who are great at communicating and who are excited and ready to be creative parents. But I know when it's time for us to start thinking that direction, I'll be thinking about my gay and lesbian brothers and sisters, and taking a page out of their parenting book.

Gayest Place in America

Jeremy W. Peters opined this weekend in The New York Times that DC might be "The Gayest Place in America". It's worth a read, but mostly I'm just relieved that the "news" in the article is about how LGBT folk are drawn to politics, there have always been LGBT people in Washington, and now it's okay for them to be out about it. Not real news, especially to anyone who lives here, but just sort of a celebration of the fact. The Post, in usual Post fashion, responded with statistics, a chart, and complaints that DC should be compared to cities instead of states. (Don't get me wrong; I love this nerdy side of the Post. This article just seemed particularly Post-y.)

Less happy news this week came out of the Methodist Church. The Rev. Frank Schaefer was tried in ecclesiastical court for disobedience to church teachings and for presiding over the wedding of his gay son. Schaefer was found guilty, and will be sentenced by the church today. He could be defrocked. Both sides are in a furor about it.

The journey towards acceptance and openness, and even more, liturgical affirmation of the love between two same-gendered people, is a long one for institutions. I am acutely aware of this process in the Episcopal Church, for which this process is significantly further along (we have openly gay and partnered clergy and clergy leadership and a church-approved trial church service for blessing the relationships of same-gendered couples) and yet the wider Anglican church and even parts of our own church are resistant or even outright hostile. If I've learned anything, it's that the issue is a pastoral issue for both sides. Confusion, hurt, and anger rule for all parties unless they are met over and over again with love, patience, and kindness.

My prayer for the Methodists, especially for those who are gay and love their church (I'm looking at you, Chett Pritchett) is for patience and strength. It's a long walk, but you'll get there, and hopefully everyone can see what really matters, and that the communities of faith can stick together.

Hopefully someday soon for the Methodists, like it is in Washington, it will be more of a non-issue to be gay than it ever has been.